Letting Go Of Ego And Finding A New Level Of Leadership And Personal Happiness

How, as a leader and a person, do you know that you have become a grownup? It starts with getting control over the negative or controlling influences of one’s ego. Achieving this is also achieving a higher level of Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

Egos. We all have one. The ego is defined as a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. Another way to describe it is ‘our idea or opinion of ourselves, especially our feeling of our own importance or ability.’ And… with some people, their ego can get so out of hand that it becomes the sole driver of their actions and motives.

EQ (or Emotional Intelligence) is all about developing a keen sense of your…

1. Self Awareness to what types of things, events, or people are able to effect your moods, reactions, etc. (I call it those things or people that are able to “Push your Buttons”).
2. Self Regulation to those events, things, or people. Are you able to ‘take a deep breath’ and not get agitated?
3. Motivation. How are you at motivating yourself? – especially when you ‘just don’t feel like it!’
4. Empathy for others. Your ability to really get what is going on in other people’s lives that may be causing them to behave in a certain way
5. Social Skills. How are you at building rapport with others, networking, and leading teams or projects?

I have come across all types of executive leaders in my travels, that I often take on in a coaching role. Leaders who are old and young, with big titles and junior executives, educated from the finest schools and intense entrepreneurs. One of the most common things I see and work on is egos that are running their lives. Egos that are ruining relationships, impairing results as a leader, and impeding happiness.

Letting go of one’s destructive ego and developing world-class EQ takes a lot of awareness, practice, modelling, practice, modelling, practice…

Here is my list of 10 telltale signs that you are winning the ability to control the destructive effects of your Ego and are successfully nurturing your EQ…

1. You can laugh at yourself.
2. You take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming others.
3. You can receive feedback without being defensive or depressed.
4. Doing a good job is more important than your job title.
5. You care less about what people think of you and care more about doing the right thing when people are not watching.
6. Your team is more important than impressing your boss at the expense of your team.
7. You are not threatened by people that want to show you up in order to support their ego.
8. You can admit when you are wrong.
9. You can say: “You are sorry.”
10. You think before emotionally reacting (Like when someone cuts you off in traffic).

Oh, and here is a bonus…

11. You discover that the only way to be truly happy is to be ‘happy.’ Relying on things and other people to make you happy is ego driven. True happiness comes from EQ.

Robert Murray is a Business Strategy Consultant, partner at Incrementa Consulting Inc., #1 Best Selling Author, and International Keynote Speaker. For further advice, insight and inspiration on how to unlock your inner leader, follow Robert on Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook.