Emotional Control in Leadership

I often get asked: “What makes a great leader?” My answer… A lot of different attributes.  Like service to others, the ability to listen, the ability to be vulnerable, humility, tolerance, inclusion, vision, and the ability to inspire people to get things done to name a few.  One though that does not get enough attention and focus is ‘Emotional Control.’

These days, in the world of fear, uncertainty and doubt (FUD) that we are leading in, it is easy to plan your day as a leader and think that you have it all together and then… you go into the office, and by 8:05 in the morning, it has all spun out of control. Customer issues. Supply chain disruptions. Spiraling costs. Pricing pressure. Valued team members resigning. The list goes on.

Controlling Your Inner Panic

In order to bring some calm to the chaos, today’s leader needs to be able to control their inner panic and create clarity for their team so that they feel there is direction and purpose. Clarity of purpose and direction are like a big valium pill for the team; it helps them settle and focus.

Emotional control is easier said than done. However, with practice, you can get good at it. With consistency, you can get very good at it.  And remember… no one is born with emotional control.  It takes nurturing just like any other skill you want to learn.

Building Emotional Control

Here is my list for building your ability to control your emotions:

1. Start paying attention to your emotional ‘triggers’.  What words, phrases, events, scenarios, etc., cause you to respond in a way that is not in alignment with how you want to be as a leader?
2. Self-regulation.  Be aware that emotional control is not happening in your emotional brain.  It is happening in your rational brain.  The hard part is the emotional brain reacts in milli-seconds and the rational brain can take a couple seconds to come online (in some people it never comes online….).  When you know this, you can take steps to slow down your initial emotional response.  Taking a deep breath is sometimes all it takes. When you can bring your rational brain online, you are able to make better decisions. Better decisions often equal better results.
3. Visualization.  When you know you are going into a stressful situation, visualize how you are going to show up and how you will respond to certain scenarios.
4. Ask more questions, give fewer answers.  The hallmark of one of the very best leaders I ever worked with that had outstanding emotional control was that he asked way more questions than he gave answers.  His questions always began with “What…” or “How…”
5. Listen.  The ability to listen (not hear) and truly understand gives you two key things as a leader.  The first is you get more context to be able to ensure you have the same perspective.  The second is time to think and choose your response.
6. Don’t beat yourself up.  Emotional control is a learned skill.  You will make mistakes.  Dust yourself off, learn from the experience and move on!
7. Hydration, nutrition, rest and exercise.  Four must haves for making better decisions.  Pro Athletes put their own mask on first by making sure they have those four things taken care of.  Pro Leaders are no different.

And when all else fails, ‘Stay Calm and Call Bob’.  You have my email.  Reach out to me and we can talk it through.

Robert Murray is a Vancouver, BC based Business Strategy Consultant, #1 Best Selling Author, International Keynote Speaker, and TEC Top Speaker of the Year for 2018. For further advice, insight and inspiration on how to unlock your inner leader, connect with Robert on LinkedIn.

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